Criminals Wanted

When I stumbled upon this little bit of insanity I was actually looking for a clip from CNN I saw where a “granny” chased off a bunch of small minded crooks with a broom. Now since it was on CNN it probably wasn’t even true but since I couldn’t find the clip I will give her the benefit of the doubt and just say “respect”! But what I did find was almost as entertaining. And this granny definitely deserves a nod.

So this one is to all the would-be robbers out there who plan to knock off a convenience store because let’s face it; the convenience store robber is the lowest of the low in the world of robbers. You might as well be snatching purses. When you knock off a convenience store you have neither the brains nor the balls to go for a bigger score. And you’re scared to take on anyone with the slightest prayer of defending themselves. The problem is you just never know when someone will say enough is enough. Even little old ladies can kick some ass when the time is right.

Can you imagine landing in jail and bragging about taking on the little old lady in the corner store? You’d be laughed at and beaten down with the crazies that touch little kids. You might as well walk in holding hands with a cop. 

The best part of this clip is the ending. Watch for yourself because even though I don’t live by either of the two items mentioned below (in fact I do just about everything I can to eliminate all contact with both) sometimes you cross paths with a piece of wisdom so insane it’s brilliant.

As granny says:

“I reached for my gun which is on a rubber band on top of my bible. I live by the bible and I live by that gun.”

And then POW! She shoots blind out of her office into the store and chases off the crooks.

A bible, a gun, and a rubber band: Brilliant!

There are plenty of reasons to have your criminal pardon application thrown in the trash. Incredible stupidity is by far my favorite. By now we’ve all seen the hilarious antics of the dude crashing through the roof of the liquor store. They shouldn’t throw that guy in jail, he’s more clown than criminal if you ask me, and the circus desperately needs him! (For those of you with blank stares right now I’ve posted the famous “robbery” at the bottom)

It would be nice to think we’ve evolved as a species, but after watching some of these criminals at work you’ll wonder how we ever got passed the wooly mammoth.

A woman can be forgiven for falling into a toilet with the seat up because there’s a chance that she “might not have noticed.” But running head first into a solid glass door is just….well….amazing. Places this genius’ IQ on par with sparrows and budgies.

Gimme back my gun! This guy’s lucky he didn’t get hit with some natural selection in the back of his head.

I know Cool Ranch Doritos are delicious, but there’s just gotta be an easier way!

The following are videos where ordinary citizens fight back with extraordinary weapons.

Hey if you’re too lazy to even put on a mask, then you deserve to have nondescript pink objects hurled at you.

If you’re allergic to puns you should stop reading now, but that’s what I call a good mugging! I can’t help but wonder if the cashier was shouting “Time to make the doughnuts” as he pummeled the offender. He’s lucky it wasn’t a café au lait bowl!

Here’s the famous liquor store robbery for those who haven’t seen it, but even if you have, it never stops being funny.

If all crimes were committed this way, we could start a show called America’s Funniest Surveillance Videos. More dumb criminals here!

Since many actions can result in an arrest record, I was curious to know which have been the dumbest reasons for which people gotten arrested all over the world. Here is a list of some of the most interesting stories:

- Armed-robbery. Ok not too special here, but what if I tell you the robbers went to a hold-up with ketchup as their only “arm”?

- Scotch lover. This burglar went in a convenience store and threatened the cashier with a shotgun, wanting all the cash. While the cashier stuffed the money into a bag, the robber saw a Scotch bottle behind the counter. Unable to resist, he demanded to get the bottle as well. The cashier replied that he couldn’t give him the alcohol since he didn’t believe he was at least 21 years old. And that’s when the robber took out his wallet and showed the cashier his driving license… No wonder, he got caught 2 hours later.

- Photogenic. A man got caught by automated speed radar. He received, by mail, a ticket for 80$ and a picture of his car. He replied by sending a picture of 80$ (…) Afterwards, he received another picture, this time it was picture of handcuffs! The man finally paid his fine.

- 9111. A Canadian family grew marijuana in their own house. Logically, it would not be recommended to call 911 from there. Apparently, the son tricked his mom into call 9111, telling her that it would allow her to check whether the phone line was being spied on. Obviously, she reached the 911 emergency call center, at which point she quickly hung up. The center dispatched a car anyway. The police eventually discovered all the marijuana.

- Halloween prank. A teenager thought it would be funny to jump on his school cafeteria table and with fake bombs and a fake gun. Obviously, this was not funny - shootings in schools are simply not a laughing matter. He paid the price.

- Junk mail. Don’t be as mad as this guy who received so much junk mail in his mail box that he went to a direct marketing firm to splash gallons of white paint all over the place.

- Pick the right car. Carjackers were unlucky enough to carjack a car full of judo wrestlers.

- Pick the right man. A robber wanted to steal the cigarettes from a blind man. No luck, this guy was actually the world champion of judo for the blind.

Many stories like that happen over the world. It is always entertaining to find out about new, dumber ways to get an arrest record!